Have you ever been so caught up in the chaos of life that you realize you feel distant from God and like you stumbled off the path you were on? I don’t know what your 2020 has looked like, but I realized there have been a few significant times over the last few months where specific events led me to have to return Jesus.
My father had a heart attack in August. It was the day after I left visiting my parents in PA. He is lucky to be alive and I know without a doubt that God saved him. The road ahead of healing was not easy for him and the rest of my family. It was rocky and filled with addiction and shame and a lot of old wounds that were not properly healed. So, when I say that I have to return to Jesus daily, I mean it because He is the only thing that can give me rest. He is where my peace is found. I have learned this time and time again, but there will always be seasons in your life when you need that gentle reminder of who is in control of your life.
One night, the song Run to the Father by Cody Carnes was on replay in my head. God was calling out to me. Inviting me to some much needed time with Him. However, I was so resistant even though I knew that He would give me the exact relief I was searching for at that moment. So, I did what I do best and I took to journaling. My journal time with Jesus is me pouring my heart out in the most authentic way. Telling Him things He already knows and that is the beauty of it, He still listens and wanted me to tell Him anyway. Sometimes returning isn’t always easy. You might feel resistance but you can rest in knowing that He hears you anyway and whatever you are feeling or walking through is not without purpose.
Another occasion where I have really been in awe of God calling out for me to return was on a Tuesday night mental breakdown. I’m talking ugly tears and just complete and utter feelings of hopelessness. I called everyone in my inner circle to talk because surely one of them would answer. Surely someone was available to help me navigate my pain. Someone had to be out there to tell me it was going to be okay. The reality was that nobody answered.
So, I laid on the couch in the dark with only a candle to light the room. I emailed my therapist because I didn’t want to wait two more weeks till my next session to talk to her. Danielle emailed me back at nine at night which I know is out of her business hours. I was so shook that none of my people could get back to me but she could. Later upon speaking with her about that night she said to me, “Kelsey, God was not shocked. He put all those people in your path for a purpose. He knew they wouldn’t answer and perhaps He knew that you could handle this on your own.”
WOW. How powerful is that. God knows. He knew I would be okay and all He wanted was for me to talk to Him that night. To take my fears and pain to the One who can heal it all. He gave me the chance to return, and He was waiting arms wide open. No matter how distant you feel, God is there. The return might not always be pretty, but it will always be worth it. Every single time.
Maybe your return is a big one, returning to Him for the first time or maybe the fifth time. Maybe you are returning after a significant amount of time away. Maybe your return is a smaller one, one as simple as getting back to your church service, resuming your time reading the Bible or getting back to praying consistently. Whatever the return may be, I promise you that He is waiting arms wide open. Returning might not feel easy, but it is closer than you think. When you feel distant from God, the actual distance between you and Him is never as much as you think. He may even be closer to you than He ever has before, so returning is all He is waiting for you to do. There is power in your return. It is okay to surrender. He will give you the peace and rest that you need. Jesus is waiting.