For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with food. Each season of my life the struggles looked different but they all had the same underlying issue, and that was that I let food have power in my life. I let it control me and dictate how I feel. I let it control me so much that at the very core it became my eating disorder. When that developed, food became the enemy.
If we fast forward to now, this is the most food freedom that I have ever felt in my entire life. Sure, some days are still harder than others, and I am nowhere near perfect, but I am always evolving. Perhaps the most important thing I have learned is to listen to my body better. There is no right or perfect time to eat, just eat when you feel hungry. By focusing on foods that make you feel good, give you energy and provide you with the nutrients to get through the day, this has completely transformed the way that I interact with food.
The way I think about food now feels way less restricting than anything I have ever experienced. I no longer think about food obsessively. In the past, I would eat one meal and then think immediately after, “when is the next time I can eat” or “what is the next thing I will eat.” I no longer experience anxiety at holiday parties or social gatherings because I understand how to approach them. I know what my body feels best consuming, but I have also learned how to create balance while honoring my cravings.
My mindset had quite a journey over the last 10 years and it’s amazing how much has changed. I want you to know that your relationship with food is not linear. The changes that you desire will not happen overnight. It will be hard, but it will be so worth it. The more vulnerable and real you can be with yourself about where you are at and what you are currently struggling with, the better chance you have at breaking down those walls and rewriting the story that you tell yourself about it.
Maybe you are exhausted. Maybe you have given up hope in believing that things can actually change. Maybe you are frustrated with yourself and are wondering why nothing ever seems to work. All of those thoughts and feelings are valid. You are not alone in them. There are so many women who struggle with their relationship with food, and some might not even know it. I think that acknowledging the struggle is the first step. When you can name something that is holding you back or causing more chaos in your life, that is when you allow yourself to fight it.
When you are fighting for the freedom you deserve, professional help might be the best option for you depending on how much this struggle impacts your ability to live, laugh, love and learn. There are levels to it, and sometimes it can be painful digging that stuff up. A therapist or psychologist who is trained to help you in this area is a great resource to have in your corner. This journey might be hard, and the more people you have in your corner cheering you and supporting you through it, the better the outcome will be. Don’t be afraid to get in your feels and do the deep work. Whatever you discover about yourself and your habits will not define you. The end result of no anxiety or fear about food is well worth it, especially if you learn to love yourself along the way.
The biggest thing that you need to understand is this: you can’t mess this up. The health journey you are on only has a beginning. There is no ending as we continue to pursue optimal health throughout our entire lives. There may be times when you are not as consistent as you would like to be, but understand that you have never fallen as far as you think you have. You are never more than one meal from getting back on track. You can always make the healthier choice when it comes to food and exercise, and sometimes that is what you need to do. Other times, the less healthy option is what we need for our mental state.
This health journey is a continuum. It is about finding balance and understanding your body better. Your body is not out to get you. It is actually very smart and it knows what you need, you just have to be in tune with it to know what cues it is giving you. That is what pursuing health is all about. That is why you can’t mess this up. As long as you are putting one foot in front of the other to move forward, you will achieve your goals. The process might be slow at times, but trust it and keep being consistent. Keep showing up for yourself and putting in the work. Fight for what you want. Fight for your health. Fight for food freedom. It is all possible. Food does not have to control your emotions or actions. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you can exist without living in fear or constant distress about what you consume and when you consume it.
All you have to do is just keep going.
You can’t mess this up.