For at least the first 23 years of my life, I can honestly say I do not remember a time where I loved myself. It is painful to admit, but I just didn’t understand what that looked or felt like. My self-image and confidence was tainted at a very young age. When my eating disorder swept in, it distorted the image staring back at me in the mirror for a very long time. Looking back at my life, sometimes I cannot even fully comprehend the darkness that consumed me. On the surface, it might look like typical teenage struggles and sorrows, but the reality was deep pain and trauma that has taken me years to work through.
I know for certain that I would not have made it through depression, bulimia, and a lot of self-hate without Jesus. Looking back now, I wonder if 14-year-old me could know 26-year-old me how differently I would have looked at myself. Would I have realized sooner how much I was loved?
You see, 26-year-old me is proud of how far I have come. While the trauma is still there in my past, it no longer dictates my future. It does not define me. From it I have gained resilience, strength and experienced a transformation that only God can do. The grace and glory of God is so good, that all of that stuff now feels like a different lifetime ago.
It is through falling in love with Jesus that I first learned to love myself. In each trauma, He was with me, probably carrying me through it. His faithfulness and never leaving me is where it all started. I have learned that His love won’t give up on you. He is always with you in every storm you are going through. When you can see Him as the light, the darkness will fade.
This process is not cute or easy or fun, let me just start by stating that. Sure, there will be some powerful moments, but the first thing you need to know about loving yourself well is that it takes courage and a posture of surrender. It means you have to be open to walk through healing and inviting God in to do the deep work in your heart in order to release the trauma and step into love.
When you love yourself well, you have an intimate relationship with yourself and with your Creator. As you grow deeper in your faith, walls start to come down. When you read and know the truth, the Word of God, it transforms your mind such that you can experience freedom from all the lies that you once told yourself. When you experience the magnitude of His love, it can leave you speechless and in awe. The closeness that you grow into with the Lord opens your heart to love Him first and through that love you begin to love yourself.
When you love yourself well, you take care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. You start pursuing health in a different manner because you know that you have purpose in this life. In order to pursue that purpose, you have to be in good health. For your physical health, you might learn to eat optimally for your body. You might find a type of fitness or exercise routine that sets your soul on fire. Something that excites you to keep coming back for more, because diet and exercise are key for caring for your internal, physiological health. For your mental and emotional health, you might seek therapy. You might journal. You might take medication to balance your brain. You might also learn to rest and do less in both of these areas because that is what your body needs most. It is ultimately a balance of learning more about yourself and what your needs truly are.
You can also love yourself well by seeking professional help in all of these areas, and that makes you stronger because you know that by taking care of yourself first you can love better. Love others, yourself and God better. This also translates to your spiritual health. To care for that, you might get involved with church, join a Bible study, or prioritize spending time with God. When it comes to caring for your health, taking it one step at a time and being gracious with yourself is so important. Being sure to invite Jesus in every step of the way will continue to light the path for loving yourself in the way that He loves you.
When you love yourself well, you answer to Him and no one else. You are the Lord’s servant. The opinions of other people do not carry the same weight in your life. You learn to open your mind and tune your ears to hear the voice of God and let that be what guides you. As you learn to deeply trust and obey the Lord, the noise of the world starts to matter less and you can fully embrace and love exactly who you were created to be.
When you love yourself well, you have firm boundaries and know your worth. You can put yourself first when it comes to protecting your energy. Having boundaries makes you a strong woman of God, not the opposite. Knowing your worth and value translates into making sure that you are protected and able to do all that life demands of you. If you do not have firm boundaries in place, it can be easy to get frustrated and be hard on yourself. Boundaries create freedom, and you should never feel guilty about having or enforcing them.
When you love yourself well, you learn forgiveness. Forgiveness of yourself and others. Forgiveness is part of love because God first loved us, and He forgave us of all our sins. In order to better love yourself, you have to practice forgiveness. It is one of the kindest things that you can do for yourself. Be gracious with yourself. Ask God to help you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you are weak, it means that you are human. And as a human, you deserve to experience love in the most abundant form. You are loved by God and you absolutely deserve to feel that deep love for yourself.
At the end of the day, self-love is an ongoing journey. It might look different for you and for me, but the one thing that holds true is that Jesus Christ loves you more than you could ask or imagine. Without the darkness in my life, I would not be the person that I am today. I am grateful for those low moments, because they brought me closer to Jesus and formed me to be the confident woman I am now. Loving yourself well takes patience, trust, and commitment, and the best part of it all is that you do not have to do it alone. He is with you and He is for you. You are loved exactly as you are. When you accept and embrace that, you can begin to love yourself well.
Great points as usual Kels. Loving yourself tends to be one of those things that somehow makes it’s way to the bottom of our to-do lists. But it is so important and extremely vital that we dont disregard self-love. And like you said, that starts with first taking the time to take, daily to become closer with the One who first loved us. That is the only way we will understand love. If we work to understand Jesus, we will also understand love, because he IS love.
Another post out the park! Keep it up! 😊