I didn’t really expect or plan on writing about this, as I know it is a sensitive subject but there are so many men and women who struggle with their relationship with food and might not even realize it. Recently, as I was reading through some old journal entries, I realized just how much I used to struggle and how I have completely transformed my mind. I realized now how free I am from the thing that once almost killed me, and that is what I believe is worth sharing.
Whether you have lived through it and are a survivor or are currently going through it, something brought you to this post. This is a safe space for you. You are not alone. Whether you struggle with anorexia, orthorexia, bulimia, binge eating or any other disordered eating habit or pattern, this post is for you.
The truth is, it might not have what you are looking for. It might not have all the right answers. It might not be what you want to hear right now, but it might be what you need. I stand with you and I support you no matter where you are at in your journey.
Body image and confidence issues that go deep within your core can be so challenging to overcome, but that does not mean it is impossible. Maybe someone told you it was a control issue. Maybe someone told you that you just need to love yourself. Maybe someone told you that you’ll just grow out of it. I am not here to tell you any of that.
What I want you to know is this: you are NOT your eating disorder. It does not define you. It is a condition with which you struggle but it is not your identity. It might be a part of your life right now or it was in the past, and maybe it feels like it will never end, but it can when you fight for the fact that it is not who you are. Your eating disorder does not get to have power in your life like that anymore.
You see, one time, a therapist told me that I would always struggle with my bulimia. One time she told me that I would be 50 years old just like her and I would still relapse. That I would be a grown woman still making myself throw up because it would always be a part of me. And for years, I believed her. I took what she told me and had it so ingrained in my mind that it became what I told myself. It became my truth, even though it wasn’t THE truth. It was only within the last three years that I finally started to unlearn that way of thinking. The more I told myself that I am not my eating disorder, the more I started to believe it.
Now that doesn’t mean that the road to healing was easy and perfect. It took years of therapy and actually doing the inner work that it requires to heal from all the trauma. The biggest thing that helped me was breaking free from believing that this was just who I was. It took countless times of crying in the shower just trying to understand why I was like this. Why did this have to be the way my brain worked? Wondering did I really have to struggle with this for the rest of my life? I knew that I didn’t want to, and something had to change.
As I began to create change, I learned that part of healing required having a deep understanding of how to care for your body. Understanding why food is fuel and what it does for your body. Understanding why exercise is medicine and how it can improve both your physical and mental health. When you are learning what it means to be healthy, you have to learn the why as well so that you can fight for it. You have to know your body well, inside and out, in order to help it overcome your struggle.
Hear me when I say this: you do not have to struggle forever. This is not a lifetime sentence. You are MORE than your eating disorder. Understand that your eating disorder does not define you. Your identity is in Jesus Christ. He alone has the power to save you. He alone says that you are already saved. You are set free. When you can fully surrender this struggle to Him, you can begin to heal.
Understand that healing happens in cycles, and it won’t happen overnight. The road to healing looks different for everyone, and it is okay if you aren’t ready yet. All that matters is that you are here and ready to fight for your true self and for the person who you are called to be. When you can recognize that your eating disorder is not your identity, you can begin to let it go and focus on the future.
When you are ready, make sure that you have the support that you need. Jesus calls us into community, and you are not meant to do this life alone. This applies to your healing. Seeking out the help of a professional can enhance your healing process. You might need a team of professionals, and that is okay too. There is strength in numbers. A doctor, a therapist, a health educator, a pastor, and/or a loved one who is there for support all can play a role in your healing. For more resources, please see the following: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support and https://www.psychologytoday.com/us.
Sometimes people ask me how I healed and recovered from my eating disorder. There is a simple answer, and it is Jesus. Truly, it is. There is so much in my life that I know I could not have done on my own, and that was one thing that He carried me right out of. Even though the answer is simple, it does not mean the journey was. It took years and many unlearned habits and patterns of thinking. I am sure that there are still things to be healed moving forward, but I just cannot express how freeing it is to finally feel like my eating disorder no longer has a hold on me. Everything changes when you firmly know who your identity is rooted in.
You are more than your past mistakes.
You are more than your problems.
You are more than your eating disorder.
You are enough as you are.
Wellness is waiting, and Jesus is too.
Interesting